
As it turns out, this nonsensically vague “period” look actually works for him, in a heroically beefy, Tom Hardy sort of way. You’d think that the biggest problem facing Vin Diesel’s new action fantasy, “The Last Witch Hunter,” might be that the bullet-headed star expects us to buy him in a prodigious Viking beard, with a braided man-bun to match. Yet he is a man of action, not ideas, and gets it on with a pert female flight attendant in his hotel room, the kind of move you may associate more with Austin Powers.Vin Diesel plays the warrior Kaulder, in modern-day New York. He says solemnly: “Salem was wrong.” Wow. Kaulder is not unaware of the controversies associated with witch-hunting. They are the bad witches, you understand, who have infringed a peace-accord understanding with good witches policed by an ancient brotherhood of priests, among whom is Dolan, played by Michael Caine, and a younger priest, also called Dolan (Elijah Wood) whose dog collar gets later secularised into a white polo-neck. In this dismal and dull film, Diesel plays Kaulder, a guy who has been alive for 800 years, on an eternal mission to fight the witches who live secretly among us. So let’s deconstruct that satirically with a film starring me as a macho witch hunter battling an evil female.” Witch-hating is a misogynist paranoid phenomenon.

I want to make an action-thriller on a witch-hunting theme as well, though obviously I can’t aspire to being as good as that film with Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton as Hansel and Gretel.” Or did Diesel point to a shelf of books about the history of witchcraft and rumble to his colleagues: “Yeah.


D id Vin Diesel watch the 2013 film Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters and say to his associates in that trademark rumbly voice: “Yeah.
